The Scuttlefish

Love the Ocean. Wish you were here.

Category: humor

“I’m Going to Bite Someone.” A Shark in Existential Crisis.

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 2.25.26 PM

“We really have to swim at some point.” – Reasonable Shark.

Poor Angry Shark (left) has seen enough of the overexploitation of his species and he’s setting out to perform a little PR stunt in order to have his voice heard. His friend, “Reasonable Shark” tries to cool his jets, but there’s simply no saving him from his imminent doom. Video below.

Screen Shot 2015-12-01 at 8.47.35 PM

“Let’s make this quick. I’ll let you swim back to shore if you do me a favor. . . . I have some environmental issues I’d like to bring to the forefront.” – Angry Shark.

Read more»

A Roundup of 5 of Our Favorite Surfing Fails by @kookslams

Screen Shot 2015-10-08 at 1.01.58 PM

Screenshot from video below.

There’s no contempt, no animosity here. We–at least I–have all had our fair share of kooky moments. From a double-overhead freight-training barrel that buried my head in the sand in Portugal (my neck has never been the same since) to a gangrenous reef rash in Hawaii and a slew of other poundings and near drownings–if there were video evidence of my countless mishaps, @kookslams would have to dedicate an entire page to my shameful moments in surfing. Thankfully, none of these oafish transgressions have been captured on film, yet.

The subjects of the following clips were not so fortunate, and while we feel for these intrepid waterpersons–we do–we also couldn’t resist a laugh at their expense. Here’s a roundup of 5 of our favorite surfing fails posted by @kookslams. Some are painful, some embarrassing, others perhaps a little of both, but all, in the purest sense, are hilarious.

Read more»

Woman Thanks Bear for Not Eating Her Kayak, Pepper Sprays Bear, Bear Has Change of Heart.

Screen Shot 2015-10-01 at 2.15.32 PM

This is what happens, lady. This is what happens when you spray a bear in the face. Screenshot from Mary Maley’s YouTube video.

In this woman’s defense, this bear probably was a little too close for comfort, but then, we can’t blame the bear either, can we?

Mary Maley, who was on a solo kayak trip from Ketchikan to Petersburg, Alaska, was posted up outside of a US Forest Service cabin in Berg Bay, Wrangell District, and had just carried her tent, food and gear into the cabin before a 4 mile hike. She heard something outside while having her lunch, and came out to find this:

Screen Shot 2015-10-01 at 2.07.36 PM

Screenshot from Mary Maley’s YouTube video.

Read more»

Watch: A Foul-Mouthed New Englander Sees an Ocean Sunfish for the First Time, and Hilarity Ensues

Screen Shot 2015-09-24 at 7.15.20 PM

“Oh man, we’re cawlin’ the Coast Gahd! . . . That’s a tuner er somethin’ bro!” The above screenshot doesn’t do the audio in the video below any justice. Screenshot from Michael Bergin’s video.

Poor Michael Bergin just can’t make up his mind. First he wants to call the aquarium, then he wants to call the Coast Guard, then he wants to be the hero and save the sunfish himself, and finally, he decides he wants to kill the beast and take it to market: “If that’s a flounda man, let’s pull it in Jay. Come on. Jay, we can get some big money for that if it’s a f—– fish man.”

Read more»

(Mis)Adventures in #VanLife with Raw Paua. Stranded Twice in Two Days. Part II.

FullSizeRender (3)

At this sight, in a moment of weak resolve, I mercilessly romanced about shoving my new hearth off a cliff, acquiring a sailboat at once, and heaving-to into the sunset, flames and fumes of my recent past life over my shoulder. Photo: Owen James Burke.

In the frosty early morning air, Raw Paua turned over just fine after our morning of mishaps the previous day. I went to pick up Mac and another friend, but getting up to speed on State Highway 1 (the main road running along the South Island’s north and east coasts), both of my carburetors cut out. Not what you want to have happen going 55 mph with a boat and trailer in tow.

I pulled off to the shoulder and restarted the engine without any trouble. It was just a little cold, I thought. I continued on.

Read more»

The Wanderlust of #Vanlife – A Sublime Video from The Atlantic Perfectly Encapsulates Why I Drive a VW Van. And Why You Should – or Shouldn’t.


Screen grab from The Wanderlust of #Vanlife video from The Atlantic. 

The friendships, the adventures, the breakdowns, the stories, the memories with my wife and kids. Here’s to keeping planned obsolescence at bay – courtesy of a terrific video from The Atlantic. 

Read more»

The Treacherous Agenda of a Deluded, Seagull-Fearing Irish Senator


A few chips snatched from seaside diners caught unawares, and excitable, bloodthirsty politicians call for a tactless and futile cull, warning of some not-too-distant Hitchcockian apocalypse. Image: The Sunday Times.

“I think it is coming to the stage where [gulls] are endangering society,” Senator Denis O’Donovan, of Fianna Fail, told the Seanad, the upper house of parliament in Dublin.

Read more»

The CIA Just Tweeted That Julia Child Helped Develop the First Shark Repellent


In honor of Shark Week, the CIA just dropped a story and a half about the American icon. (Who know the CIA had a Twitter account?) Photo/Art: CIA.

Julia Child: legendary American chef, author, and . . . CIA agent? Well, sort of. Back in 1942 at the age of 29 or 30, following a brief stint in copywriting and advertising after graduating from Smith College, Child (then Julia McWilliams) went to work as a typist for the Office of Strategic Services (OSS), which would go on to become the CIA. She had wanted to join the women’s Army Corps or the U.S. Navy’s WAVES, but towering at 6’2″, she was too tall to enlist.

At OSS HQ in Washington, D.C., she climbed the ladder fast. It seemed she had an early knack for complex concoctions, and the OSS recognized this. She went on to become a research assistant for Special Intelligence and assigned to work on developing a shark repellent, what was to become “Shark Chaser” (read more about that here). But at the time, rather than to protect soldiers, it was intended to keep curious sharks from detonating ordnances meant for blowing German U-Boats out of the water.

Read more»