RipSurfer X – Please tell me that this is a joke
by Mark Lukach
Feast your eyes on this monstrosity.
It’s called the RipSurfer X, a product put together by the brain trust at SurfSet Fitness. Basically, it’s a surf board strapped on top of two medicine balls, and ropes so that you can simulate paddling to. The idea is that you can “surf” in the gym. These are not available for home purchase, only at gyms in NYC and Boston, and apparently at the classes they play looping sounds of waves crashing and project surf videos on the wall to watch.
I understand that people like to surf, and that sometimes you get landlocked and want to get a surf-focused workout in, or even just somehow, someway, simulate surfing. For example, when we were kids, my little brother used to put on a wetsuit and skateboard around our neighborhood, just to fill the gaping void that was left because we were away from the ocean. So I get it.
But RipSurfer X is just ridiculous. It looks dumb, the ad has a guy doing push-ups on the board which is just ridiculous, and it’s not even made by surfers. The inventor is a retired hockey player.
I really hate this thing, but maybe there’s something to it after all. It’s can’t be all bad, right? So to defend it just the tiniest bit, I think that RipSurfer X is sort of like masturbation. No one prefers it to the real thing, but sometimes when you need it badly enough, you’re willing to take matters into your own hands.
With that in mind, head to your nearest gym and enjoy masturbating on the RipSurfer X!